It's All About Relationships

Helpful Handouts


The River of Integration, and The Window of Tolerance, both terms were coined by Dan Siegel. The River of Integration depicts how we feel when we are regulated: we are in a FLOW (Flexible, Loving, Open, in a sense of Wonder), many thanks to Jade Lazaris for this beautiful graphic! The Window of Tolerance could be seen as The River of Integration flipped on its side—when our Window of Tolerance is wide enough to adjust to the information and energy flow of our lives, we stay regulated (that is, in our River of Integration).


Bruce Perry is part of the Neurosequential Network. The general website is
Under the COVID-19 tab there is a series of 14 videos on how educators, leaders, parents, and children are impacted by COVID and how to better manage the stress this puts us under. Even though they are geared toward parents and educators, everyone can benefit from these videos.
Video number 5 is on regulation is here:
Video number 6 is on the importance of getting a break when we are under stress; it’s easier that you might think!

Suggested Reading:

Recommended reading for Anti Racism work, Brain Science, Feminism, Parenting, Relationships, Trauma: Obviously an exhaustive list would not be possible. These are just a sampling of the books and articles that have informed my practice.

Anti Racism work:

A Radical White Identity:
Caste, The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson
My Grandmother’s Hands, Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies
Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, America’s Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing by Joy Degruy
Skin in the Game by Eric Ward
So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
White Rage, The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson
White Supremacy Culture:

Brain Science

Being a Brainwise Therapist, A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiologdencoch by Bonnie Badenoch
Buddha’s Brain, the Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom by Rick Hanson
Mindsight, The New Science of Personal Transformation by Daniel Siegel
Neurosculpting: A Whole-Brain Approach to Heal Trauma, Rewrite Limiting Beliefs, and Find Wholeness By Lisa Wimberger
The Developing Mind, How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are by Daniel Siegel
Siegel, Daniel J. Brainstorm, The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. Penguin Group
Siegel, Daniel J. (1999) The Developing Mind, How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
Siegel, Daniel J. Mindsight
Siegel, Daniel J. Parenting From the Inside Out
Siegel, Daniel J. & Bryson, Tina Pyane (2011) The Whole Brain Child, 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Bantam Books.


Cunt, A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio
Sex for One by Betty Dodson
The Price of Motherhood, Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued by Anne Crittenden


How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen, and Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler and Tosha Shore. Patty Wipfler also has a website:
Self-Esteem, A Family Affair by Jean Illsely Clarke
The Whole Brain Child, 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

Relationships (a handout with brief descriptions of most of these books can be found in my handouts section of this webpage

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep– Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller (note this book is useful, and very heteronormative)
Easy Marriage Counseling, 52 Self-Guided Exercises to Deepen Your Relationship by Emelie Blank
Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay Hendricks, PhD and Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD
Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships by John Welwood
PolySecure, Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
The Intimacy Factor by Pia Mellody
The Relationship Cure by John Gottman
Undefended Love by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons


The Body Keeps The Score, Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk
The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation by Deb Dana
Waking The Tiger by Peter Levine